As the election draws near, I encourage all of my peers, whether they are gay or straight, sick or healthy, poor or rich, to consider one thing as you go to vote tomorrow: be humbled by hope. Hope is a word that is so empowering. It has empowered faiths, lives, and countries. It is a caricature of societal influence that continues to rear its head as the optimal symbol of our country, our lives, and our liberties. We associate hope with religion, but hope is not only religious, it is symbolic.

This week, I found out that my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. My mother is probably the only person in my immediate family that I am close to. She does not know how much this has humbled me. I used to think that I was invincible and that at any time I would be able to live without illness or despair. I was wrong. 

When I was 17, I survived a horrific car accident where I managed to flip my car four times and slide down an embankment. I should have died. Spinal fluid was coming out of my nose. From what it looked like to the EMS and to the doctor’s, I had broken several bones and my neck. I was airlifted to downtown Pittsburgh for treatment in the trauma ward. There I went through seven psychogenic seizures, ten CAT scans, three MRIs and nuclear spinal testing. Within two weeks, my results came back inconclusive. None of my bones were broken. Nothing was wrong with me. 

I should have died, but hope is what kept me alive. I had hope that when that car was flipping something somewhere would save me – and it did. It saved me from being humbled.

At age 21, I was diagnosed with a serious medical illness. (Due to security reasons, I will not name what issue this may be, but for those of you who know me personally, you do know what I am referring to – it may or may not have something to do with my brain.) Right when I thought I was invincible; right when I thought it was impossible for me to die – I was humbled. 

I was told that I had a life-threatening illness that unless treated, I would probably die. At this time, treatment is non-existent due to the fact that I have been humbled by hope and I have been prayed for by many. This disease has not overtaken me, nor will it. I am strong and will remain strong – but will it stay strong and fight back at me? Only time will tell and I can only hope.

I can only hope that my mother will be okay. I sat by Jacob tonight before we went to sleep and I started crying. I miss my mommy. I want my mommy so much. I just want to hug her and love her and let her know that everything is going to be okay. 

Mommy:

I know you are hurting so much. If I could take away your pain, I would. There is not a second in my life I don’t wish that I could make it stop hurting you. I wish that it would just go away and nothing would ever be wrong with you. 

I just want you to know, even if you read my blog, I love you more than anything in the world. You are what keeps me strong when I am down, you are my light when there is darkness, and you are my world. I love you so much Mommy. I love you so so much.

God:

Please heal my mommy. I beg you. I don’t want anything bad to happen to her. Please, please God. Just help her. Help her get through this. If anything, this is the last thing I will ever ask from you. Just please heal my beautiful mommy. I want her face to shine with smiles again. Please make her smile. Please make her feel better. Please God. Please. Just please help her. Just please.

I know this isn’t my usual blog post and I know it was rather emotional. I just wanted you all to know that no matter what, my hope is unfaltering. My hope is that my mommy and I will be okay. I miss you and love you Mom, with all my heart. Please don’t ever forget that.

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