Introduction

In part one, I wrote about how society perceives homosexuality and the fact that people around the world are similarly unable to develop a common bond with peoples of differing ideals.  I told my own personal story of how I struggled when I came out and now it’s time to show the world what the intolerance really is.  In part two, you will hear stories of gays and lesbians and how their families went absolutely crazy after their son or daughter told them the truth about their sexuality.  

After an alarming response from part one, both positive and negative, I have decided to progress with part two and continue on my way to making it known what people of different ideas have to suffer through in order to be at peace with themselves. 

This post may be offensive to some readers, so discretion is advised. Due to privacy, some names have been changed to respect the rights of others.  No part of this post has been fictionalized.

Part Two: The Intolerance

The world is an interesting place.  It’s a place where you find different cultures and ideas that continue to fuse together in a society in which is dictated by a number of factors, including religion, finances, and other means in which a person focuses their day-to-day lives.  I have seen many things, I have done many things, and I have lived through more than you can imagine, but all in all, the world has one simple thing in common, it provides intolerance for many different groups of people, including those who are just trying to live their daily lives without intervention in some means.  People choose the direction of their lives every day, and as a result, you will see how others find it imperative to exercise their judgment on them.

David’s Story

David is a young man that comes from the US state of Kentucky.  Kentucky is largely considered part of the United States’ Bible Belt and is a place where tolerance is usually just, but at the same time choked by people’s own fears.  David comes from a smaller town in Kentucky.  He’s not from Louisville or Lexington, two large metropolitan areas that usually have such diverse cultures, it doesn’t really matter what you do. 

David was dating an African-American male and they lived together for quite sometime.  They enjoyed life and did everything together that a normal couple would do.  They even went so far as talking about adopting a child and having a normal life that most people would enjoy and be comfortable with.  However, one day, David decided that it was time to finally tell his parents that he was gay.  He didn’t know exactly how he would tell them, but he figured it would be easy to let them know with his boyfriend as his side.

So David and his boyfriend travel the lone roads of Kentucky to his hometown where he is nervously preparing for what he is going to say to his parents.  He pulls up in their driveway and both of his parents are smiling and waiting to meet him.  He says to himself, “Wow, this is going to be easier than I thought.  They both look content with seeing me, so this might work out just fine.” 

David is 25 years old and came out to his friends when he was about 20.  For five years, he has stifled this knowledge from his parents for fear of their reaction.  He knew that things could get worse if he let them know too soon, but he figured he would tell them after he had established himself and was on his own.  David sat patiently in his parents’ living room while his mother made them all fresh glasses of ice tea.

His father was sitting opposite of David and his boyfriend looking eerily at the African-American man sitting in his house.  The tension could have been severed with a knife, but David remained confidence but was still nervous.  David kept looking down at his feet and began to shake.  His boyfriend touched him gently and David looked scared.  He hoped his father hadn’t notice the subtle touch, but unfortunately he did. 

David’s father immediately stood up and said, “Get your faggot ass out of my house right now.”  David looked astonished and terrified.  His father said it again. David got up and ran out as fast as he could.  His boyfriend was right behind him.  His father carried a shotgun out and began shooting at his car.  David sped off as fast he could and he has never spoken to his parents since.

David’s case is rare and is probably one of the most shocking out of all of them.  David knew that he couldn’t tell his parents the truth for this very reason.  When asked about it, David said, “I don’t think it would have shocked him as bad if I wouldn’t have brought John, but unfortunately, I did… and I think that was the mistake I made.  I knew that this was probably going to happen, but I figured I might as well give it a shot so that I could be open with my parents.  My father won’t answer any of my phone calls now though and has said that he wants nothing to do with me anymore.  When people ask him about me, he says, ‘I don’t have a son.’  Honestly, that’s the most disheartening thing anyone has ever said about me.  He can’t even acknowledge me because of who I am, and that has tore me up inside.”

Ken and Debbie’s Story

Ken and his boyfriend Debbie (a transexual) lived together for at least 20 years.  They had a beautiful house together, worked at the same job, and got along great.  They had a prosperous life and developed a common and loving bond between one another and provided each other with happiness for the remainders of their lives.  One other thing that brought them together is that they were both HIV positive.

At the young age of 32, Debbie began having complications that surpassed all others.  As such, Debbie was developing an advanced case of AIDS and wasn’t expected to live much longer.  As a result, Debbie and Ken decided to get married in a ceremony at their house.  Even though it wasn’t recognized by the State of Florida, the fact that they made vows to one another was good enough.  Ken and Debbie were together for another two years until Debbie died tragically at age 33.

When Debbie died, Debbie’s family refused to allow Ken to come see him at the hospital when things became rough.  They kept him away and told him that we was not welcome in the midst of their family.  His husband was dying and he was forbidden to see him.  All Debbie wanted was to see Ken on his final days, but his family kept him from him.  Debbie’s funeral and wake were also prohibited places for Ken, even though Ken was his family. 

Debbie’s family rarely had anything to do with him or Ken and for them to keep him away from Debbie was a travesty for both of them.  People in the family speculate to this day that if Debbie were to have been allowed to see his lover, he might have survived a few days longer as it has been quoted by medical professionals that people who are happy when they are dying, tend to survive longer than other’s. 

Ken died shortly after from complications of the disease and was buried in a cemetery far away from Debbie.  While Ken and Debbie never saw each other before they died, they kept each other in their hearts and that was all that mattered.  Ken and Debbie saw that love had surpassed all being and that no matter what, they never died without one another, because they were always in one another’s hearts. 

The family that kept Ken away from Debbie now regrets their decision and has even come so far as saying as they are deeply disgruntled by their actions and will never be able to live with themselves for what they have done.  The family finally recognized the common bond of love, after Debbie’s death, but it was far too late.  It was already over.

Angela’s Struggle

For years, Angela kept her lifestyle under wraps from her family.  Her brother, Jordan, was too much of a strong evangelical Christian for her to want to even say anything to him, and her mother, Alexandra, was too engulfed in her own affairs to even handle the situation.  Angela felt like she was all alone and had nowhere to go. 

She embraced her new found lifestyle and began to accept it as it were.  She developed a sense of being and a sense of security with her new lover, Annie.  Annie was everything that Angela ever wanted in a woman.  Beautiful, kind, funny, and intelligent.  She gave Angela hope in a world of increasing hatred toward being a homosexual. 

For 18 years, Angela told everyone in her family that Annie was just her roommate.  Both of them backed this theory up and had their families believing this for years and years.  Angela began to acknowledge that no matter what, she would probably never be able to tell her brother, but would be able to tell her mother in due time. 

After a few years, Angela sat her mother down and explained to her that she was a lesbian.  Alexandra accepted this and even went so far as telling her that she loved her and that no matter what she would always be there for her.  (That’s exactly how parents should act in a situation like this, instead of being insolent and creating more havoc.)

Now, Angela loved her niece and nephew, Alex and Danielle.  Both of them were the best thing that ever happened to her and she was excited at every chance she got to see them.  Her brother, Jordan, was so set in his ways though, that she feared that if he knew the truth, she would never be allowed to see them again.

Angela recanted one day that she remembers a time before Alex and Danielle stayed the night over at her house.  Her brother dropped his kids off and said to her, “Please keep your neighbour away from my children.  I would really appreciate it if you didn’t have them hang around that gay man.”  Angela was kind of taken aback and reluctantly agreed with his request, hoping that it would quell the tensions between the two if he ever found out about her true self. 

For the remaining years, Angela had never told her niece and nephew the truth.  Angela was scared that if they told their father, she would never get to see them again because of his strong religious convictions.  After a while passed, and Alex was 21 and Danielle was nearly 16, she told her brother.  At this point, Alex had already moved away and Danielle was old enough to make her own decisions.  At the time, Jordan didn’t say anything and just kept his thoughts to himself.  Angela was relatively pleased with her conversation, even though his children still had no idea. 

At age 16, Alex came out to his parents and that was a big issue for them.  Alex was scorned and persecuted by his parents to the means of continuous counseling and continued sheltering.  Alex became upset with them and left at age 18 to pursue his own life elsewhere.  Alex called his grandmother one day after Angela had had children and asked who the father was.  His grandmother said that it was done by fertilization and they didn’t know who the father was.  She continued to explain that Angela and Annie had had the babies and they were happy together and that the children had a combined last name.  Alex was shocked.  He had no idea that Annie and Angela were together, let alone that they babies.  His parents had kept it from him for so long that he had only thought that they were roommates.  Alex then called up his aunt and told him his story.

After almost 21 years, Angela was finally out in the open and was happy about it.  Angela recants that one time, she overheard a conversation between her brother and his wife.  His wife said to him, “Are you going to keep your kids away from your sister like you did my brother?”  Jordan was faced with a tough dilemma and couldn’t obviously keep his children away from his only sister.  Jordan still held strong in his religious convictions and still tries to “shove a Bible up her ass” (as Angela says).  Jordan kept the truth from his kids for at least 2 years until they accidentally found out from family members.  His kids still can’t forgive him to this day for his intolerance and bigotry. 

A Message to Parents

I am an openly gay male.  I have two parents who are probably the most loving people in the world and care about their children more than anyone in the world.  They do everything they can to help their kids and are always there for them, day in and day out.  However, they both have strong religious convictions that inhibit them from being an integral part of their children’s lives. 

I do not share my thoughts, opinions, or feelings with them.  They do not know what goes on in my life, and instead have to read or hear about it from others.  I do not share anything openly with them, because I do not trust them.  I have no reason to trust them. 

For years, I was thrust into counseling, unwillingly, in an effort to help alleviate the situation between me and my homosexuality.  The goal was “to fix” me and to keep me from what I really was.  However, I feel that if I had just been allowed to express myself and open up my life to something new, I could have changed on my own and figured out that everything was either right or wrong with my own life. 

My message to parents is this.  Love your child but don’t keep them under severe circumstances.  Don’t do as my father did and attempt to “fix” the issue.  ”Fixing” the issue doesn’t help.  All you can do is love them and express your feelings toward it.  Your kids will make their own decisions.  They are their own people.  If you have religious convictions against what your child is doing, calmly share them and then move on.  There is no need to incite violence against one another because of who they are or what they are.  Your child is your most important asset and you don’t want to lose them.

My parents have lost me because of what they did to me.  They forced me in the other direction because I am a person of will.  I will do whatever it takes to do the opposite to try to prove you wrong.  If I can prove you wrong, I will be more than capable of doing so, without doubt or fail.  So, I proved my parents wrong.  I proved that I could not be “fixed”.  I didn’t want to be fixed, but they forced it on me anyway.  Don’t force your kids to succumb to your will.  Allow them to figure out their mistakes on their own and go from there. 

I am not a parent, and by no means am I trying to tell you how you should parent your child, but keep this in mind: Do not allow them to hate you.  If you stifle everything they believe in and who they are inside, you are not only hindering your family relations, but you are destroying the bond between child and parent.  I used to value my parents’ opinion on matters, but I don’t anymore.  They have lost me as a child, and I couldn’t bear to see you lose your child to such unfortunate circumstances.  Take this as a warning for what is to come.  Just love them.  You’ll see. It’ll make much more of a difference than forcing your beliefs upon them.  I promise. 

Some Possibly Related Posts

• Promoting the Homo Agenda?
• An Epistle to Parents
• Loving the Ride

• BROWSE / IN TIMELINE
• « Hush – Part One: The Silencing
• » Violated

• BROWSE / IN Change is Life
• « Hush – Part One: The Silencing
• » Violated